


Smile, Sherlock

by wheresmywatson



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Podfic, Teenlock, aftermath of a suicide, audio, mentions of drug use, suicide of Victor Trevor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-28
Updated: 2013-11-20
Packaged: 2017-12-28 23:44:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/998325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheresmywatson/pseuds/wheresmywatson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I asked them to send Mycroft. Where is he? Where's my brother?"</p><p>Audio reading now also available!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic deals with suicide, drug use and guilt.
> 
> _Yo Katie, I hope you like it. Thanks for roleplaying the original idea with me on omegle._
> 
> Huge thank you to nuttersandacorn for being my beta-reader for this fic!

Greg fumbled for his phone, trying to answer it as quickly as possible to silence it. He heard his wife curse and roll away from him as he finally hit the button, grunting a "H'lo?" as he slipped from the bed and staggered into the hallway. He eased the door shut behind him, hoping not to let any more noise disturb her.

_"Do you think he hated me?"_

The voice on the other end of the phone was not what he had been expecting, and it took a moment for Greg to picture the skinny kid in his mind.

"Uh... what?" he asked, taking his phone away from his ear for a moment to check the time. A wave of exhaustion hit him as he read _0_ _3:06._

 _"Is that why_ _he did it_ _? Because I- I annoyed him too much?"_

Rubbing his eyes to get the sleep out of them as he now made his way to the kitchen, Greg shook his head with a sigh. He reached for a mug and then flicked the kettle on, glancing towards the bedroom briefly. "What are you even-?"

_"I think it was my fault."_

"I'm gonna need you to work with me, Sherlock. What are we talking about?" He was slowly waking up a bit more, the strangeness of the situation weighing on him heavily. Sherlock hardly ever called him, usually only sending texts to piss him off, but right now the boy's voice was so small and afraid - different to anything Greg had heard from him in the past.

_"I couldn't even tell them the truth. I said- I said they were his."_

"Are you high?" Greg asked sharply, a frown creasing his face as his mind jumped to the first possible conclusion. "It's three in the morning!"

 _"_ _No, I..."_

"Sherlock?" The kettle clicked off but Greg ignored it, staring at nothing as he concentrated fully on the conversation. He could feel a chill of fear beginning to settle over him as the seconds passed. "Tell me what's wrong, Sunshine."

There was a shaky breath from the other end of the line.

_"Victor's dead."_

* * *

Greg found Sherlock sitting on the floor in the bathroom, phone held loosely in one hand as his red-rimmed eyes stared blankly at the wall opposite him. There was blood on his lips as well, clotting along the lines where he'd bitten too hard.

"Sherlock," Greg called softly, easing down onto the floor beside him and carefully resting a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"No," the boy replied, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Come on, Sunshine." Greg rubbed Sherlock's shoulder comfortingly, hating having to see him like this. "Can you tell me where he was found, at least?"

"Sofa," Sherlock mumbled. Greg's blood ran cold.

"Here? He was just... out there?" Greg asked, horrified. "He's not still there, is he? You did call the police?"

Sherlock sniffed, the back of his hand wiping his nose before he turned his head to look at Greg and nod. Before the boy could open his mouth to say anything else, his shoulders flinched as he began to cave inwards and hot tears splashed quietly down his cheeks.

"Hey, shh." Pulling the boy closer, Greg began to stroke Sherlock's hair and rub his back gently. Sherlock brought his arms up to cling to Greg in return, bony fingers digging in. "It's okay, Sherlock, I'm here. I've got you."

"They came and took him," Sherlock went on, his voice muffled slightly against Greg's chest. Now that he'd started talking it was easier to keep going. "I had to- I had to make a statement. I lied."

"What did you lie about, Sunshine?"

"The drugs." Sherlock pulled himself onto Greg's lap and the man tightened his arms around his waist. "He killed himself with my drugs. I told them they were his because I-I didn't want to get in trouble for possession."

Greg was silent for a moment, letting it sink in. To be honest he wasn't all that surprised to hear that Sherlock had lied about the drugs being his. He couldn't even bring himself to tell the boy off. He'd already been through far too much today, without having to sit through a lecture on the importance of telling the truth to police.

"You didn't hear about it?" Sherlock asked before Greg said anything else.

"About Victor? No, Sherlock... I was at home. Asleep."

"The police left two hours ago and no one else came."

Greg frowned, pushing Sherlock away from him slightly so he could look into the boy's eyes. "Have you been here this whole time? Just sitting here?"

"Waiting," Sherlock confirmed with a nod. He was trembling but his jaw was set in a stubborn line. "I came... in here to wait. I panicked."

Greg hugged Sherlock to his chest again, running his fingers through the boy's curly hair to try and help soothe him. "You didn't call _me_ two hours ago, though. Did the police call someone to come and get you?" Greg paused, waiting for a response, but all Sherlock did was suck in a deep breath as he fought for control over his emotions. "Sherlock? Who were you waiting for?"

"I asked them to send Mycroft," the boy whimpered finally, pushing his face against Greg's shoulder. "Where is he?" His fingers dug into Greg's back where he was holding on, his voice muffled against the man's shirt. "Where's my brother?"

Exhaling slowly, Greg continued stroking the boy's hair. "I'm sure he's on his way," he said softly, despite actually having no idea. If that had been two hours ago, surely Mycroft should have gotten here by now? No wonder Sherlock had gotten desperate and called someone else instead.

"I don't want to be alone."

"You're not. You're not alone, Sunshine. I'm right here and Mycroft is going to be here as well. He's on his way and probably just stuck in traffic or something. You are  _not_ alone."

"But I push people away," Sherlock retorted, lifting his head to stare up at Greg with his swollen eyes. "I did this to Victor! It's my fault!"

"You said he killed himself, right? That's not your fault." Greg took Sherlock's face in his hands firmly. "I want you to say it. Say 'it wasn't my fault'."

Sherlock tried to avoid eye contact, biting down on his lower lip again as he shook his head.

"Was he already dead when you got here?" Greg asked. Sherlock had probably gone over all of this with the police, but Greg wanted to know so he could try and do more to help the boy realise he wasn't to blame.

"No." Sherlock blinked and a few more tears escaped his eyes. "I found him on the sofa. He was... he'd already taken them."

"What could you have done, then?" Greg wiped the tears from Sherlock's cheeks using his thumbs.

"I could have... I should have called them sooner. An ambulance. I just sat there!" Beginning to speak frantically - and sounding a bit more like his old self - Sherlock fisted his hands in the front of Greg's shirt. "I saw him and all I did was sit in front of him and ask what was going on. It was like I couldn't see! Blind to all the evidence around us that showed he was deliberately trying to overdose. The empty bottle, the vomit by his head. He was heaving and it hurt but he still had the strength to smile at me but  _I couldn't smile back!_ " Sherlock sagged against Greg, held up only by the man's hands still gripping the sides of his head. _  
_

"It's okay, Sherlock. None of that makes you responsible for what happened." Greg lifted the boy's head slightly, forcing him to meet his gaze again. "It's not your fault."

Sherlock stared blankly at Greg before giving a small shrug. "Why couldn't I just smile?"

"Because you were scared. I'm sure he doesn't mind."

"He _asked_ me to smile!" Sherlock snapped, jerking out of Greg's hold to sit against the opposite wall. He stared down at his hands, watching them shake. "Said I didn't smile nearly enough as I should. Said he wanted it to be the last thing he saw. My smile. But I couldn't because I- I couldn't move. And then he stopped breathing and I..." Sherlock swallowed stiffly, clearly fighting past a lump in his throat. "I _yelled_ at him."

Greg was silent for a few moments, unsure what to say because he didn't want to upset Sherlock further. When the boy finally looked up at him again, Greg gave a small smile.

"He's the one that chose to take his own life. If you hadn't arrived when you did, he might have died without even seeing you again. But you did get here and he saw you. It's not your fault that you weren't prepared for what was happening."

Sherlock began shaking his head again, hugging his knees to his chest. "But I'm clever! I'm meant to be- I'm stronger... I'm..."

" _Sherlock!_ "

The panicked call originating from the front door had Sherlock on his feet in a second, racing from the bathroom to find Mycroft frantically searching for him. Greg followed slower, smiling as he reached the living room just in time to see Sherlock tuck himself against his brother's chest and Mycroft grip him tightly in return.

"I had my phone turned off to cancel any distractions. I had a conference call with one of my overseas - nevermind. I'm _so_ sorry, Sherlock."

Catching Greg's eye over Sherlock's shoulder, Mycroft mouthed 'Thank you'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel suicidal please get help. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What if tomorrow is going to be the best day of your life? You have to get there to find out, sunshine. Stay strong.


	2. Audio Reading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even begin to describe how excited I am to present you with an audio version of this fic! The phone call sounds amazing and I just asdfghjkl!
> 
> Enjoy ♥

[Smile, Sherlock - Click here to listen!](http://ijusthadaneargasm.tumblr.com/post/67614349218/smile-sherlock-by-wheresmywatson-read-by)

Read by [foxeswithsoxes](http://foxeswithsoxes.tumblr.com/)

Thanks to the [ijusthadaneargasm](http://ijusthadaneargasm.tumblr.com/) tumblr!


End file.
